personal posts.

Toxic Relationships



unday,August 22nd



When I was 14, I got in my first real relationship. It lasted for a year and the first six months we’re good, After that it started to get terrible – But i didn’t want to give up on it.

I’d had issues with self harm in the past, but one of my worst times was in that relationship. I’d keep landing myself in hospital because i didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to say to anyone that my relationship was falling apart. I wanted everyone to think everything was fine. It did get violent and there was lots of arguing.

I will say right now i’m not posting this for attention or sympathy. I just finally want to say my piece.

I’ve kept this part of my life quiet for 5 years, but when i was fourteen – I was raped. I remember him telling me that it wasn’t rape because we we’re together, but guess what? It still counts as rape!

We hadn’t been drinking, or taking any drugs. We we’re just in bed and i changed my mind,  but he didn’t stop. I was speaking to my best friend about it and she convinced me to go to the police. They came to the house and we sat in the living room while she took my statement.

It happened when I was fourteen, and i didn’t report it until the middle of the year. I wish i’d reported it when it happened. I feel so stupid that i waited and just took his word that it wasn’t rape.

There was constant phone calls and visits from the police for five months. I had to go to the station and give a video-recorded statement. I was just glad I was speaking to a woman, I was very wary of strangers at the time.

Then finally they came for the last time – I was finally finding out if it was going to court or not. It turned out there wasn’t enough evidence for it to go to court and I was so upset. That visit was a few days before my 16th birthday.

I honestly feel like he just completely got away with it, and the thought that he could do it again terrifies me. No one should have to feel like that.

It’s been five years since it happened, and now i can finally see how terrible that relationship was.  I’m now with an amazing guy who treats me like a princess. He completely understands everything and we took things slowly.  In three weeks, I’ll have been with him for two years and that makes me so happy.

It’s taken a while to be used to hanging around guys again, and to not be afraid. I am proud of myself for overcoming this

I ended up going to counselling and i’m still on anti-depressants, but the support of my family and friends is what really kept me going at that time.


Thank you for reading this.

Panda xxx


3 thoughts on “Toxic Relationships

  1. In toxic relationships it’s really easy to let things go even when you know it’s wrong. I was in a few when I was a teen too and now looking back I feel like an idiot. But we can’t change the past. It’s horrible that he got away with it, but don’t feel that it’s your fault either. Sometimes the system fails us and it’s ridiculous that it does. But I’m super happy for you and that you now have a loving boyfriend that treats you like a princess. Don’t let him go. Take care of yourself love.


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